Running Scared

So the first question I ask my doctor anytime I am sick or injured is, can I still work out and run?  Frankly, most of the time, working out makes me feel better as long as I can breathe okay.  When I developed low platelets, inhibiting my body's ability to sustain new platelets, I asked the doctor about working out and he said "No bungee jumping, but if you work out just make sure it is low impact and someone knows where you are, and you take your phone.  If you got injured, even a small cut, you could bleed to death before anyone got to you."  That was a stupid question in that situation, but I met him in the middle and I did go walking, making sure someone went with me.  With postpartum recovery, however, many times the answer is not so direct.  Women are so worried about getting the "pre-baby" body back, we sometimes forget that sadly, our bodies change shape after childbirth.  So, even though we may lose the weight, the clothes may not fit our new bodies.  Here I am 10 days after my natural birth, discussing with myself whether or not to start working out again.  I feel great, I am not bleeding, and my breasts are feeling better as my daughter gets more skilled at latching.  I definitely believe in listening to my individual body's needs, but am I just wanting to run out of fear of fat?

Experts say it takes two years for a woman's body to fully recover from childbirth and I agree.  About seven months before my daughter turned two, I had almost gotten back down to what I was when I got married.  I was training for a half marathon and was running at least 3 times a week for at least an hour.  It was then that I found out I was pregnant with number two.  Somehow, I knew I was pregnant (as most women do), but I was in denial for about six weeks.  I had been on birth control and had just gone through a round of chemo for my platelet disorder.  My doctor explained that researchers did not know the effect the chemo would have on a fetus, so I should make sure I was on birth control.  I was and had been for about a year.  Then, I suddenly couldn't remember when my last period was.  I figured it was because of the chemo, but that side effect was not listed on their website.  Slowly, the weight I lost from my first pregnancy came back and in retaliation I just added more running to my workout schedule.  I took three pregnancy tests and they were all positive.  Surprise.

This pregnancy I gained about 30 pounds eating pretty much what I wanted and not really following an exercise routine, other than chasing my toddler.  I've so far lost all but about 10 pounds, but since I am convinced this is my last baby, I would like to lose 15 pounds to get back to my ideal weight.  However, that is still no guarantee that my old clothes will fit.  My old clothes are for my old body.  Some may fit, but some of my favorites I may have to part with because my hips are wider, or my waist is smaller.  Each child molds a woman's body differently.  And, while I do embrace that, I do not want to be the woman carrying around weight from pregnancies.  I want to be fit, healthy, and look good for me (and my husband too I guess). 

In talking with my husband, who is the medical consultant in our family (as I am the educational and financial consultant), he agrees that I should wait until two weeks postpartum, and then just start slow and easy to build back my body.  While I agree, my body FEELS like it did before I was pregnant, other than my ab muscles.  I honestly feel like I could run a 5K or 10K in the same amount of time I used to.  However, some things are easier said than done, and I don't know if I want to risk a permanant injury to find out.  Walking, an ab workout, and maybe some yoga are things I want to start out with, and maybe a little weight lifting.  I don't want to let my fear of fat dictate the pace of my workout, but at the same time my body is telling me that it is ready and willing to be pushed.  It told me the same thing about natural birth, and that turned out great.  Maybe I won't be running out of fear, but out of the committment I made to myself when I chose natural childbirth.  I chose to let my body make the decision for me, and it made the right one.  Maybe, just maybe, my body knows itself better than any other outsider could, even doctors.